Gold's Guide to Women
by Ability King KK
Summary: Gold gets his own TV show!  Watch as he gives his advice on how to handle the ladies.
1. Breasts

"Hello and welcome to the first of hopefully many episodes of **Gold's Guide to Women**. I'm your host, Gold," said the perverted boy with a grin as he looked towards the camera. "On today's episode, we'll be talking about something that a majority of women have and what all men love…breasts.

"That's right – breasts. Also going by such names as boobs, melons, milk balloons, and ta-tas, these soft and squishy objects come in many sizes going from very big (Gold clicked a button on the remote control he was holding and showed a picture of Cynthia, the Sinnoh League Champion, on the screen behind him) to almost non-existence (He clicked the button again and this time a picture of Misty, the Cerulean Gym Leader was on the screen).

"Regardless of their size though, us men are nonetheless attracted to them as it is our basic instinct to be attracted to them. Something about that being part of mating or something along those lines. Unfortunately, with everything good, there has to be something bad and that would be the fact that women tend to use their breasts to get men in trouble.

"You might be asking how is that. Well I'll tell you. Everyone probably knows that women tend to wear shirts that show off their breasts, whether the shirt is very tight around the chest area or the neck is open enough to show off their cleavage. They do this willingly so they can show off their ta-tas, yet when a guy does pay attention to that area, the women act as if they've been violated and get all prissy about it.

"It makes no sense to get mad like that. Women getting mad at men for looking at their hooters that they'll willingly showoff is like a person showing off his car and then getting mad at people who look at it!

"Luckily, I have a solution to this problem. There are two choices that can be done. One, women can stop wearing shirts that show off their tits. Or two, they can stop getting upset whenever a man actually gives them attention. If anyone has anything to add on this subject or have any other questions, call the number at the bottom of your screen.

**BRING! BRING!**

Gold gave off a grin. "It seems we have our first caller. Hello, you're on **Gold's Guide to Women**. What's your question?"

"Gold! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Hey everyone! It's Super Serious Girl!" exclaimed Gold, his grin getting bigger. "Is there anything you'd like to say to the audience before we go off the air?"

"You are nothing more than a sexist perverted idiot! And as for your so called "solution" have you ever thought that you men could, oh I don't know, stop looking at women's breasts?"

"Someone call this woman a shrink. She's talking crazy! (Gold disconnected the call before Crys could say anything else) Anyway, that's it for this episode. Join us next time for when we tackle another lovely attribute of women, as to which attribute, I'll leave everyone in suspense. Also, if anyone would like me to talk about certain subjects on women, send your questions to the following email at the bottom of your screens. See ya next time!"

**FIN**

**-:-**

**Just a silly little idea that popped into my head. The idea of Gold having his own TV show and on the subject of women sounded like a hilarious idea.**


	2. Butt

The lights turn on and audience is welcomed by Gold, who unfortunately is sporting a black eye and a broken arm.

"Hello my loyal viewers and welcome to another episode of **Gold's Guide to Women**. You may be wondering what happened to me, so I will tell you. After the last episode, both Super Serious Girl and Misty ambushed me. Now that might sound like a good thing, to have to women all over you, but unfortunately, they were none too happy about the first episode. Regardless, the show will go on and there is nothing they can do about it!

"With today's topic, I have invited a special guest who will help me discuss it. Please welcome my sempai, Red!"

Applause was heard as Gold's Ambipom, Ataro, was dragging the leader of the Dexholders up on stage. Red gave Gold a deadpan look as he sat in one of the chairs on stage.

"Gold, what are you doing?"

"Hosting a show. Last week, the topic was breasts. This time the topic is one of my personal favorite parts of a woman – the butt."

"…What?"

"That's right – the butt! With proper care, the firm backside of a woman can become one of their sexier attributes, especially if it's heart shaped. Plus, if a woman has a fine looking ass, you are almost guaranteed that she'll also have a wide sexy set of hips on her to go with it. I like to call that the two for one special," said Gold with a perverted laugh.

"Gold, why the hell am I here?" questioned Red, starting to get annoyed.

"I brought you here, Sempai, because you're an expert on the subject at hand."

"…How am I an expert?"

"Your girlfriend is Blue, who probably has the sexiest looking ass out of any of the girls we know!" exclaimed Gold. He then added in his mind. _'I should know since I got a good feel of it when I first met her.'_

"G-Gold!"

"I bet she looks even sexier in a lacy thong, right Sempai?"

Red's face became his namesake as images of Blue, wearing nothing but lace and silk undergarments, ran through his mind. He quickly wiped his nose as he felt the oncoming flow of blood. He was about to reprimand his student when the door off to the left suddenly exploded. Gold and Red looked over to see a very lived Silver standing in front of his Rhyperior. Standing on the sides of Silver were an equally livid Crys and Misty, who both seem to have some unfinished business from last week. All three were glaring at Gold, though Silver's glare was also directed towards Red.

"Any last words before we kill you, Gold?" questioned Crys with a growl.

Gold turned to the camera. "Tune in next week, should I be alive, for another episode of **Gold's Guide to Women.** Run, Sempai!"

The two boys ran for their lives as Silver, Crys, and Misty chased them.

Meanwhile, Blue, who had been watching the show, was laughing her ass off.

"Poor Red. Dragged down because Gold's an idiot," said Blue with a smile as she walked over to the closet. Her smile became a grin as she pulled out a sexy lingerie outfit. "Let's see if I can make his day better when he gets home."

**FIN**

**-:-**

**Another episode finished with Gold once again being attacked and Red unfortunately being dragged along as well.**


End file.
